


Leave the Light On

by Salander7



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mild Smut, Reconciliation, Separations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-08-19 15:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16536938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salander7/pseuds/Salander7
Summary: A version of a post-Paris fallout (post epsiode 2x10) and beginning of a reconciliation.





	1. Chapter 1

In the haze of the early morning sun, Kat browsed through the post cards in her night stand drawer. She received one for each of the four months since Paris: one of the riverside of the Basque country in Spain, another of a golden mosque in Morocco, one of the Sphinx in Egypt, and the last from the idyllic coastal city of Durban in South Africa. They all arrived blank on the back save for the occasional "xo A" scrawled on the bottom. As Kat stared at the glossy 3x5s, she dissolved into thoughts of the days and weeks immediately following Paris - the blur of throwing herself into work and copious amounts of alcohol. Into people she often wished were gone almost immediately after she brought them home. She recalled feeling broken in a way she didn't expect nor know how to recover from. But somehow, she did. Eventually, she showered, she went to brunch, she laughed. She even dated. She joined the Board at Scarlet and grew her team. She was, overall, doing okay. That is, until she received the most recent post card from Adena - one of the Empire State Building and a bright yellow taxi, sent from a NYC post address. Adena was back in New York. And instead of the expected blank canvass, the flip-side contained lyrics from a Maggie Rogers song that read:  
  
"Would you believe me now  
if I told you I got caught up in a wave?  
Would you hear me out  
If I told you I was terrified for days?

Oh, if you keep reaching out  
then I'll keep reaching out  
And if you're gone for good,  
then I'm ok with that.  
And if you leave the light on,  
then I'll leave the light on."

\-----------------------------------

Adena arrived in JFK to heat and humidity and the smells of a city she wasn't sure she missed. She struggled with how she would reach out to Kat but, second to finding a place to live, it was a top priority. Adena so regretted how she left things with Kat, with an incredible lack of clarity so unlike her communicative self...with the insulting idea that she was 'the opposite of a muse' for her - as if that were possible. In her months away, Adena photographed her way through cities and landscapes only to find that her eyes captured nothing but the space Kat was meant to fill. Somehow, when she sat down with her plethora of photographs, all she found was the absence of Kat. Without realizing it, she captured Kat's silhouette in shadows and rock formations; her hair in foreign fauna; her smile in people and objects that looked nothing and everything like her. And now, the hopeful photographer was just desperately praying Kat would see her.

When Kat received the post card, she wasn't sure how to feel. Her impulse was to run, ignore it, throw herself into something else. But she was working to conquer her impulses these days. So, she tried, instead, for honesty and knew she'd be lying to say she didn't miss Adena. She grabbed her phone and texted Adena, simply, "the light's on."

They agreed to meet at Kat's place one evening in lieu of dinner or somewhere public. Kat swallowed the lump in her chest when the knock came and, when she opened the door to Adena's sun-kissed face and sparkling purple hijab, she momentarily lost herself in some liminal space between flat-lining and electrically charged. Adena said, softly, "Hi, Kat," with the trailing "T" suspended in mid-air between them, in a way that made Kat's breath falter. Kat welcomed her in and busied herself with boiling water for tea while Adena struggled with feeling like she was both invading and returning home. For Adena, the smell of Kat was one of coconut and comfort that replaced the faded wanderlust with a warmth that rivaled the Moroccan sun. It took all of Adena's strength to wrestle her fingers still - fingers itching to touch Kat's skin, caress her face, and embrace her in a way Adena knew she didn't deserve to ask for.

After a few minutes of small talk about Sutton, Jane, and Scarlet, Adena couldn't stop the words from tumbling out. "Kat, there are not enough words- in any of the languages I know how to speak- to express how sorry I am to have hurt you the way I did; to leave you the way I did, with the confusion you must have felt. When we returned to New York after Peru, I just got lost... I lost myself in this city, in your bed, in the fear of deportation and prospect of being without a home AND a job AND everything I was building with you. I spiraled thinking that maybe this semblance of stability - the stability I craved when I told you I was ready to stay still, to build a home - could be lost. There was also a part of me that thought I needed to trade my creative flow for this stability since I felt so stunted at the time... that maybe domestic life meant trading in a large part of my identity. I didn't understand how to reconcile these things and, instead of talking to you, I left. Like I often do... But, I understand now how naive that was, and how poorly I handled my own insecurities. If you're a testament to anything, it's to the fact that a life grounded in stability can be a springboard from which so many beautiful and courageous things can arise. Kat, please understand that you could never be anything less than an inspiration - to me or anyone with half a mind. Kat Edison, joonam, **you** are my next big adventure. I am here to tell you that I'm still choosing you, knowing full well that you may not want to choose me any longer. I needed to be here to tell you that I'm sorry and that, if you'll have me, I'm all in."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kat considers a path forward with Adena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They will be happy again, damn it. Even if just here. Leave a note; feedback welcome.

In a tangle of lips and hair, Kat felt Adena's mouth slide down her body, past her waist line, between her legs... she felt heat rising from her center, her pulse quickening and---

Heard an alarm blaring in her ears. Kat bolted upright. Sweating, wet, and thoroughly confused, she silenced the traitorous alarm. The residue of the dream she was just having and words of her actual conversation with Adena from the night before were coalescing in her mind. Her glance at the clock reminded her that she couldn't linger in this tormented state because of an early Board meeting, and proceeded to drag herself to a quick shower before running out the door.

At the office, she debriefed in the closet with Jane and Sutton, who were characteristically inquisitive but supportive. They were as shocked as Kat was to know that Adena was back in New York, and mostly concerned for their friend who was just beginning to seem like she was enjoying life again. Later in the day, she ended up in the fashion closet again, but with Alex. 

Alex, maybe not so surprisingly, offered insight that touched Kat most closely. With his soft eyes and warm smile, he said, "Kat, I've watched you over the past year go through several highs and lows. I've seen you step up for others when you could have stayed silent; I've seen you stand up and claim parts of yourself you previously never really grappled with; I've even seen you learn to sit down when it was the right choice - and God knows that couldn't have been easy for you. What I see is a strong, amazing, risk-taker who knows - regardless of what she may be saying in her head right now- what she wants. And if what you want is a woman who's going to keep time with you, lift you up, and have your back, I think Adena can be that person for you. You both had some learning to do in how to grow with other people without running from them; welcome to your twenties! But, if your heart is telling you that hers is true, you just gotta trust that."

Kat smiled back a "thank you" and mulled over his words as he tossed off the last of the extravagant hats he was trying on throughout their conversation.

"And, you know, if she does you wrong again, you kick her out with a 'thank u, next' like the badass I know you are," he added with a wink before leaving. Kat smirked and wondered why Alex wasn't invited into the closet more often.

After a grueling week of work interspersed with the occasional texts with Adena, Kat decided to cancel her Friday afternoon meetings and left Scarlet at noon. She headed for Adena's apartment in Queens with a flutter in her stomach that mimicked slightly the feeling she had almost a year ago while on her way to tell Adena all the ways in which her world was better with her in it. But now there was a layer of trepidation mixed with lingering sadness, and she wasn't sure where to put these feelings as she stared out the window of the rocking train.

Kat found Adena's new apartment in Astoria nestled between a bodega and a Greek restaurant and pressed the buzzer. Adena was surprised to hear it was Kat, but recalled telling her that she'd be home working on some new prints for the afternoon. Kat mounted the 3 flights with her mind racing and when Adena opened the door to her apartment, Kat walked straight in and just started talking in the rapid, breathless way that comes when words are simply bursting out of you.

"Ok, El-Amin, here's the deal," Kat started as she pushed past Adena and tossed her coat on the chair. "The way you handled things was fucked up. It was confusing and painful, and I oscillated between despondence and anger for a while after you left. And while I wish you talked to me instead of shutting me out, I heard what you said the other night and I see you." For the first time since entering, she actually looked directly into Adena's eyes, which reflected a mix of hopeful, nervous confusion back to Kat. "Adena, meeting you was life-altering for me. And I mean that quite literally. Not only did I re-evaluate my entire sexual identity after meeting you, but I began to see the world in ways I never experienced before, think about issues I was privileged to never have to think about... I... I became so much more of myself through simply loving you. And now, after everything, all I know is that on my best and worst days, it's you I look for."

At this, Adena stepped closer to Kat and reached for her hand. Adena searched Kat's face with her chestnut eyes as Kat continued, "So, here's the deal: if we're going to do this, you keep your own place. You take your space when you need it. You create art and find your inspiration. I don't need to be your muse."

"Kat--" Adena started, but Kat held up a hand and pushed on, "But I need you - all of you- when we're together. And we promise each other that there's no more running. Tell me when you're feeling stuck and when it's about me, and when it's not. No more dealing with our messes alone, inside our heads. Your shit is my shit and that's just how it's going to be. Can you do that?"

With a swelling heart and sparkling eyes, Adena essentially tackled Kat into a kiss that was forceful and soft and long. When Adena finally released her, she cupped Kat's gorgeous face in her hands and said, emphatically, "yes. Yes. I can definitely do that."

**Author's Note:**

> First fic; feedback welcome. This storyline (and song) has been stuck in my head. In reality, I hate that they have to have this kind of reconciliation at all and just want to see them happy.


End file.
